I remember you
I remember the time we
first met
You were the complete
opposite of me
Always so calm,
collected and focused
You showed me hope and
promised of escape
Vowing to care for me,
when no one else would
And you did indeed
The harder I cried, the
more determined you were
The louder I screamed,
the harder you worked
The longer I tried to
shut you out, the easier you found your way back in
And despite the fact
that you hurt me, suppressed me or overpowered me
You were the one, the
only one who understood my curious dependency
I still dream of you
I dream of our nights in
The times I have let you
shred my skin piece by piece
Then watch beads of
scarlet drip off my brown skin
That beautiful red
colour that I'm addicted to
Moments as such, where I
knew I was in love with you
But you deceived me
The same hands that’s
once led with caution
Soon drove with purpose
and comprehension
You became stronger,
angrier and all the more reckless
Demanding time and
attention I could hardly devote
Reminding me of the same
hope and escape that never failed to drew me in
You God damned bastard
I begged you for mercy,
cries of which you paid no heed to
Night after night, you
were there, touching my arms, my legs
Making sure I was doing
it right, that I don’t mess up
And when I did, you
would punish me by disclosing glimpses of what you did
Shoving in my face that
nobody cared enough to give a fuck
I mastered the art
You trained me so damn
well
The art of laughter,
plastic smiles and compulsive lies
You taught me not to bat
my lashes every time someone cried for help
And to put in the
headphones as soon as someone opened their blistered little mouth
It was you who distorted
my reality, you who blinded my vision
Now, 3 months and 17
days clean
Here I am
Hoping to survive one more
day without you
