As I sit here, thinking about
everything that had happened in the past few days, I can do nothing but flinch
with a smile. A smile full of grief and rage, blended with confusion. Up on all
the things that had happened; those that rushed past the alley of rights and
wrongs. Things I would have once cared only less about. Things that once were
merely a mean of entertainment in my life. A simple gossip, which once I would
have given my bear ear’s to.
But as I sit here, sticking my
nose into the TV screen and continuously visiting all the news websites that I could
conquer, I couldn’t help the anticipation that grew in my heart. The numbness
in my fingers as I scrolled down the mouse, paying no attention to anything but
the pictures and the hurdle of words under them. The soggy eyes, which would occasionally
scan the faces of my family members looking for nothing but assurance in them.
Assurance that things are gonna get back to the way they were, like none of
this ever happened. Like everything that is happening is nothing but a
nightmare. A nightmare which I would initially forget on the crack of the next
dawn. Except, it would never be.
As I look at my Gran, I could see her sharing
the same anticipation as me. Her wrinkled face, slowly draining color. Her lips
pursed into a tight smile. A smile, which clearly meant that she was not happy.
And I could understand why? Nobody wanted history repeating itself. Nobody
wanted to feel the same bitter feelings, as they had that one time when our
island was evacuated. Yes, our island; Havaru Thinadhoo.
When I gaze at my Mom, I could
feel the same numbness on her face. Her face, baring nothing less than a glint
of fear in her eyes. Fear for her Son who might get injured in all the hassle.
Fear, for those relatives who might turn out to be the next victim of someone
else’s wrong do’s. Fear of seeing us, our island, the way she would have heard
a gazillion times in stories like I did when I was small. Yes, the story of us;
the people of Havaru.
 |
| "I remember coming early to the class just to watch the beautiful cats sleeping and walking on the roof and watching that same roof over and over again every day and still finding it mesmerising." |
While I peek as my younger Siblings and Cousins, I could notice nothing but their soggy eyes. Eyes, ever
so confused like mine. Eyes, so innocent and full of life. Eyes that appeared so
fragile that the pictures that continuously displayed on the screens somehow seemed
to hurt them. The kind of hurt that I have witnessed in the eyes of people who
talked about the tragedy, that still seemed to linger in the same air that we breathe
every day. Yes, the tragedy that had happened to our ancestors; the elder
generation of Havaru.
But sitting here, I can do
nothing. Nothing which would make things all right. Nothing that would bring a
smile on my Gran’s face. A smile which would stretch so big, that all the
wrinkles on her face would tug under her not so visible eye bags. A smile, which
would show her crooked yellow teeth, but yet make her the prettiest women in the
world.
Then again, I would never be able
to make things back to what my Mom would call normal. As I could never make the
fear in her eyes vanish like a gush of wind that sweeps of the dust. Dust, that
rests on her favorite rose plant that she bought recently and clearly
restricted me not to go anywhere near. For the sake of my hands that loved to
mooch the flowers and leaves of the plants.
And whilst, I had no answers to the
questions that remain as lumps in back of the throats of my Siblings and Cousins or the notorious Monsters as I would call them, it is no use to even assume
that I could ever hear them planning for the next bicycle race they would have.
Nor I would hear them getting overly excited about my sister treating them, the
awe so colorful drinks that you can get at the nearest Jogo place when they win
a simple game of scrabble.
Now, as I end this little cluster
of words that I aimlessly leave here, I could do nothing but smile. A smile
that is so full of grief and rage. A smile blended with confusion. A smile that
quite leaves a burden on my shoulders. Burden of not knowing whom to blame and
point my numb fingers at. Burden of not knowing the facts that were true, rather
than what the tiny voice inside my head wanted me to believe. Burden……
So whoever was/were or rather is/are
behind all this, I hope you’re happy. I hope your Gran’s are smiling. I
hope your mother’s don’t have to worry about her Son. I hope your siblings and cosines
feel safe to go out of their house. Yes, I sincerely hope all this for your
loved ones as I could wish nothing but the same for all the people I love
too. And while I sit hear smiling in distress, I hope your happy.......
